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  • Writer's pictureJohn M Donovan

We Would Like a Hamburger Disappointment Meal

My wife Cybil is about halfway through collecting all the Avengers Endgame Happy Meal toys, mainly to protect her desk at work from Thanos and any other threats from outside this galaxy. Last night we stopped at the McDonald's on Hickman in Waukee in hopes of adding to the collection, and here's what happened.

Drive-Up Guy: Go ahead and order when ready.

Cybil: We need a double Quarter Pounder and a Diet Coke. And can I buy the Happy Meal toys separately?

Drive-Up Guy: Yes, you can.

Cybil: OK, I'll take three different ones. If you can't make them different, I only want one. And then I want a hamburger Happy Meal with a chocolate milk.

I was surprised to learn you could buy Happy Meal toys separately, but there are a lot of things I don't know about this crazy world. We pulled up to the next window and the girl there handed us our drinks and two sacks--one with the Quarter Pounder and one with the three Happy Meal toys.

McDonald's Girl: The fries aren't ready. If you pull up, we'll bring the Happy Meal out to you.

We pulled into a vacant spot and I slowly reached into the toy sack to heighten the suspense.

Me: Who will it be? Captain America? Thor? Someone else?

I withdrew the first toy from the sack and it was a dog on a skateboard.

Me: It's a dog on a skateboard. I don't remember this character. Wait--did Ebon Maw have a pet?

Cybil: Why is it a dog on a skateboard?

Me: I don't know. (reaching in for the next toy) This one is also a dog on a skateboard. And so is the third one.

Cybil: Did the Avengers promotion end? Why did they give us three identical dogs on skateboards?!

Me: It is a mystery.

The new toys, it turned out, were promoting The Secret Life of Pets 2, which might or might not be about a skateboarding dog. The fries seemed to take a long time to cook, so I was done with the Quarter Pounder by the time the McDonald's girl brought us the Happy Meal and, oddly enough, another sack. I opened this new sack and found not only another Quarter Pounder but three more Happy Meal toys.

Me: Well. This gives us a total of six dogs on skateboards when we actually wanted zero dogs on skateboards.

Cybil: And there's probably one in the Happy Meal box too.

Make that seven dogs on skateboards.

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